——- In the Balance ——-

I never wanted to consider myself a feminist. I used to wonder why North American women were complaining, when we have it so damn good. Look at where we used to be compared to now: we can vote; we can go to University; we can become doctors, lawyers, CEOs, and politicians. Let us not forget, there are so many more important issues in the world.

Yet, what once looked ridiculous because I knew absolutely nothing about it, now looks somewhat civilized and perhaps, incredibly meaningful. Girls, I believe we have an important role to play in changing the world. It is not only about rising to positions of power, but it is also about bringing something feminine to these positions of power. How many women rise to power simply because they have adopted the cutthroat characteristics of men, with an overly compensatory sense of cold-heartedness and brutality? The first names that come to mind here are Hilary Clinton and Margaret Thatcher; this is also why I think that underneath his clothes, Stephen Harper is secretly a woman.

I have had a change of heart over recent months, and now that I understand it, I am no longer weary or critical of feminism. I no longer believe that there are more important issues in the world, because every issue is important and they all share commonalities and linkages. Women are not equal to men in our society, and in general, women are not taken as seriously or respected as much as men. Just the fact that the word feminism itself, or the word cunt, has developed such negative connotations shows how necessary it is that feminism and feminists exist.

As much progress as we have made in North America when it comes to women’s rights, it still seems as though we are stuck. On the public front, we criticize, dismiss, and refuse to take seriously feminine characteristics such as human emotions, empathy, and connection. At the same time we continue to praise masculine characteristics such as competition, self-motivation, and rationality based upon logic and Science. Often, a lack of women (or femininity) in positions of power may be attributed to institutional flaws, such as a lack of public daycare expenditure. In other cases, public issues may be used to exemplify overt displays of inequality between men and women, such as in the court hearings pertaining to women’s ski jumping for the Olympics. But after doing a little reading, and much observing, I feel the largest issues of inequality between men and women begin at the grassroots.

It all starts with women needing to define themselves through men, thanks to deeply imbedded cultural ‘norms’. Girls, we face a lot of pressure to be in a relationship or to get married, which is something that most guys do not face to the same degree. If girls have lots of sex with different guys, they are labelled a slut (negative). If guys have lots of sex with different girls, they are a player (positive). It is natural (positive) for guys to masturbate, but it is dirty (negative) for girls. If a girl is assertive, she will often be thought of as a bitch (negative). If a guy is assertive, he is simply being confident (positive). All girls must use feminine hygiene products, which have been designed by and marketed by men. Such products are intended to sterilize and make our vaginas smell ‘pretty’, implying our periods and our natural scents are dirty and shameful. According to all the advertisements and images surrounding us every day, girls must look attractive, so that they may be desired by a man, because without a man they are worthless. We all know the story, and girls are constantly being bombarded with these messages of negativity and shame. This can give us low self-esteem and insecurity around being an independent woman, and so we may seek to alleviate this by defining ourselves through our relationship with a man.

But what if we girls sought to alleviate and eliminate our collective womanly shame through each other? Rather than fragmenting ourselves — so that we may be more easily defined by men in a world run by men — we can come together and define ourselves on our own, womanly, terms. One thing I have really been noticing since reading the book Cunt*, is acrimony between women. Acrimony means a bitterness of nature or harshness. While women across the continent could be experiencing closeness over a shared history of unequal rights, rape, and oppression, we are choosing to gossip, hold grudges, and to see each other as competitors… essentially in a competition for men!

 Upon my first conscious realization of this, I asked my good friend Jordan if this was at all similar for guys. The straight and short answer was no. In fact, he told me that often when he passes another guy on the street, he’ll throw them a quick nod. Incredible! Fascinating! Girls don’t do this and we should!! Instead of checking each other out while passing one another on the street, trying to assess who is hotter, we should throw one another a nod… ask a sister what’s up!! We can talk to each other in bathrooms, ask each other how we’re doing, and try to make friends with girls in bars instead of trying to be picked up by a guy.

 I am not suggesting giving up on the opposite sex by any means. I love boys. But it would be great to have a little more sisterly love in the world. From there, we may grow in solidarity together: women identifying themselves as women through other women. Our relationships with men will no longer be top priority; rather, our relationships with ourselves, with other women, and with men will all be equal. Women may support each other on a larger scale, embracing all that we are, and striving together to bring feminine characteristics into positions of power in the world. And this, my friends, would change the world for the better.

*This is a must read! Thank you to my bestest, beautiful friend Emily for lending me this book: Cunt by Inga Muscio